I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize