the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
