fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
