I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It's just like the Real World with babies
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
