is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
