I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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