i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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