I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
