You made me cry and you don't even care
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
