He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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