My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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