went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize