Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
