The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
