This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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