that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Randomize
