Yo dont text me then not text me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the condom got lost in my hair
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
