She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
