Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
