I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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