...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
