You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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