Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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