Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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