she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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