oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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