Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize