You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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