we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
