I'm jealous of your bromance
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
