I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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