i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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