SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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