Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
