you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How naked do you want me to be?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
