i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
