Don't you send me to vm
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize