Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
