I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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