What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need to calm my uterus...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
