I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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