I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
