Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize