her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
