i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
bring money and cleavage
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
