is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
