great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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