Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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