Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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