Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
