i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
