Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
