and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize