The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
