If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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