Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
