Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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