Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
