The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
