Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
