I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
