we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
