Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
