Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
